Katie Charles

Lori begins college with the hope of being just another freshman. Some kids like to stand out; Lori wants to blend in. She spent much of high school being accused of "faking" a painful illness so she could be the center of attention.

 

If only that were true. If only she could just stop.

 

Lori has Complex Regional Pain Syndrome and is in a constant state of pain that only varies by degrees, Wanting to be normal, Lori tries to hide her chronic illness for as long as she can. She trusted people to support her before, and learned her trust was unfounded.

 

She hopes she can be Lori first, her disability not at all. To hide her diagnosis until she knows she can trust people again, or until the inevitable happens and she can’t hide it anymore.

 

Dating wasn't in her plan, but it feels good to be with someone who doesn't question her or treat her like an invalid. When she opens up to Dylan and tells him her whole truth, he treats her like a person and not an invalid, which is all Lori ever wanted.

 

Eventually she can't hide her pain. A minor incident to anyone else thrusts Lori into a major flare. Now is the true test. Who will stay with her when explanations become reality? Who will change?

 

Lori learned to stand on her own two feet — even when she needs a cane to do it — and maybe now she won’t have to stand alone.

 

EXCERPT

​​

"You're in the English welcome group, right?" he asked before sipping his own drink.

 

Lori stared over the rim of her mug, surprised he just walked over and sat down like it was nothing. Like they'd known each other for months. She had assumed she'd meet up with Toni for breakfast once her roommate's orientation meeting broke up, but this worked too.

 

He had medium brown hair that did this cute flip away from his forehead and green eyes, and looked like he was ready to play basketball with the Celtics jersey he wore. He sure looked like he could play basketball, no problem. He was lean, not skinny lean but not bulky, kind of that awkward in between. It looked good on him. On anyone else it would have been awkward, gangly maybe. Lori couldn't help but admire how he pulled it off. He was kinda cute, for sure. Heat crawled up her neck, and she cleared her throat, taking another swallow of coffee.

 

"Dylan," he said, catching her attention again. "Name's Dylan. We're in the same group. I just needed coffee before I could say anything."

 

"If we're in the same group, then you know I'm from the English one." She grinned and reached for her mug. "Lori, but you knew that, too."

 

"Yes, yes, I did." He paused and chuckled. "So, are you an introvert and need to get away from people? Is that why you were asking if there was a safe time to do so?"

 

Lori shook her head and put down her mug. "No, but yes…in a manner. There are things I need to take care of is all."

 

"School hasn't even started yet and you're taking care of things?" he asked, chuckling again.

​

"I'm a very busy woman." Lori smiled. "Are you going to eat anything, or is coffee your life blood?"

 

"You got it. Poke a hole in me and coffee will come out, not blood. Who needs blood anyway?"  To make his point he drew a line down his arm, like he was tracing a vein, then picked up his mug and pretended to tap into a vein. "Coffee is life."

 

Lori nodded and raised her mug as well. "Yes, yes it is." She sipped her drink and smiled. "So, you don’t talk until you get your coffee? Is that why you didn't say hello at the meeting?"

 

"Instant human, just add coffee." He grinned and finished his mug. "Feed two to three times a day."

 

Lori laughed and shook her head. "Okay, that was a good one. I'm going to use that now when trying to explain the need for coffee to my mom."  Shaking her head again, she looked to her food.

 

"Go ahead and take it, I got a million of them." He smiled and leaned back in his chair. "My family calls me the joke machine."

 

She really liked this. She was having a conversation that didn't start off with "Why are you sitting like that?" or "So, why do you do this?" It was just an honest, getting to know you, talking over coffee about coffee conversation. For possibly the first time in the past few years, someone saw her for her and not what she had. High school was hell for that reason, and college, if it was anything like this conversation, was going to be a breath of fresh air.

 

They continued to talk, eat, and drink coffee until they had to leave for the next group meeting. They'd been warned before the break that "volunteers" were needed for carpooling. Lori was glad she'd returned to the dorm before going for breakfast, just to make sure she didn't risk being caught without her painkillers.

 

"Are you going to volunteer?" Dylan asked as Lori scoffed. "No car?" he asked.

 

"Yeah, I have a car, but no way am I volunteering. This might be the only real resting time of the day. I'm not going to take that time and waste it by driving." She moved her hand and waved it in front of her, brushing the idea away. "I'm crazy, not stupid."

 

"Well that's one way to think about it…I didn't offer because my truck is in the shop." He smiled and walked alongside her making their way back to the grassy area.

 

"Okay, either you're trying to sound impressive and you don’t have a truck, or you're looking for a reason better than mine not to drive." Lori chuckled.

 

"Does it sound impressive?" He smiled wider. "Because if it does then it's an added bonus." Lori looked at him and was silent, waiting for a better answer than that. He sighed and shrugged one shoulder. "Okay, how about trying to sound impressive, and looking for a reason not to drive that's completely true."

 

She hummed and sat on the bench, the spot that was taken this morning, which would have made standing up so much easier.